Have We Located Brian Laundrie? No...But It's a Cool Theory Nonetheless

It's not high on the Richter scale, but it adds to the ongoing narrative that the FBI is downright trash at its job. It can't find a motive for the Las Vegas shooting but knows for sure that the 2017 shooting of the GOP congressional baseball team wasn't domestic terrorism. It later admitted that it was—albeit quietly. It can't follow up on a slew of US gymnasts who said that Larry Nasser was sexually abusing them but can manufacture evidence of Russian collusion to secure spy warrants on former Trump campaign official Carter Page. What has the FBI done well recently? I think you must go back to when my ailing New York Giants won the NFC East, which was eons ago. And now, they can't even find this Brian Laundrie kid who allegedly murdered his fiancé, Gabby Petito. 

The two were on a "vanlife" trip and documenting it for social media. Petito vanished in August, though not before there were reports of a domestic dispute. Law enforcement got involved. The bodycam footage of the encounter between the couple and the cops has been released. The whole incident is bizarre. 

Laundrie reportedly ventured into the Carlton Reserve in Venice, Florida, on September 14 and hasn't been seen since. This was after he was named a person of interest in Petito's disappearance. Petito's body was found on September 19. The cause of death was homicide. So, where the hell is he? 

The FBI has become so bad at doing its job that two things have happened. One is that television celebrity and bounty hunter Duane Chapman, also known as Dog the Bounty Hunter, is on the hunt for Laundrie. It's quite possible he finds him before the cops do. Second, is that we have conspiracy theories about Laundrie's whereabouts flying like crazy. Some are rather creative. Take this one—he's living under the flower plots at his parents' house. I'm not kidding. People have zoomed in on what they think is his hand poking out from under some plants as if there's an underground bunker below (via NY Post): 

Internet sleuths are peddling a conspiracy theory that Brian Laundrie is hiding under a flower bed in his parents' Florida backyard after claiming drone footage captured a hand poking out of the soil.

They are alleging that the drone video, which is being shared widely on social media, shows the 23-year-old fugitive's parents, Chris and Roberta Laundrie, gardening in their yard.

The footage appears to show a woman resembling Roberta tending to a flower bed as her husband stands nearby. It wasn't immediately clear when the drone footage was shot.

Social media users are now sharing versions of the footage online as they wildly claim it shows a hand reaching out of the flower bed as Roberta leans over.

Some are claiming Laundrie could be hiding in a bunker under the flower bed as law enforcement continue the weeks-long search for Gabby Petito's missing boyfriend.

One TikTok user, charlienovasite, posted a video featuring zoomed-in portions of the drone footage, saying: "There is definitely someone there. You cannot change my mind."

Yeah, it's wild. It doesn't really help, but when the institutions entrusted with finding these people have failed miserably and have done so for years, this is what happens. I want this guy found, but I doubt the Laundrie family has some super-secret bunker where they're hiding their son. Is it interesting? Yeah, but most definitely not true. 

In the meantime, happy hunting, Dog.